For a solo work I need a definite idea. For the present I have none.
Alfred Schnittke
I am not good at acting without apriori. For so long I have been in a tailspin to someone else tantrum. It's what I do. Few react to me. I am the litmus paper, someone else the acid.
I am in a holding pattern waiting for someone to say: go.
Or rather for someone to say "good job"or "great idea." What is it about affirmation? We don't exist, unless someone else says we do? Unless we are weighed, rated, packaged,labelled and shipped.
Someone must record our vitals and judge them. I write just to get by, just to be heard. I speak to hear a voice saying what I need to express. Sometimes life is like that , peculiarly lonely.
And as I hate to admit it, it's then when I produce.
A critic of mine was correct, I am lost and she suggested I not write till I am found. Till I have a mountain of experience outside of my own to draw upon? Others literary characters, history and experience. My own story is not good enough?